Microsoft Announces Xbox Hizzy
Microsoft has announced at its GDC press conference that it will roll out a new online service entitled Xbox Hizzy.
The service allows users to control customizable avatars in a massive multiplayer online style environment.
“In order to distance its from the competition, Xbox Hizzy has been designed from the ground up to be off the shizzy," said Peter Moore, head of Microsoft’s Interactive Entertainment Business division. "This isn’t your grandma’s online social network.”
The service will offer extreme sports like snowboarding and razor eating as mini-games. It will also feature bouncers that will kick out avatars who don't have the minimum number of tattoos and piercings to be considered ‘extreme.’ In addition, Xbox Hizzy will require a $10 a month subscription fee on top of an Xbox Live Gold Subscription.
Microsoft has already courted sponsors to advertise with the service. When Xbox Hizzy is released, users will be able to purchase and consume virtual Mountain Dew whilst driving their digital H3 Hummer. They'll also virtually be able to do their virtual taxes at a virtual HR Block.
“Our objective in the long run is to alienate everyone but frat jerks and 12 year olds with ultrasonic voices,” said Moore. “It can only get more extreme from here. Just wait until we have Linkin Park perform online concerts nightly. Linkin Park is early 2000s extreme!”