WarioWare: Smooth Moves Linked To Rise In Douche-Baggery
The release of WarioWare: Smooth Moves for the Wii has been found to be the cause of the recent nationwide rise in douche-baggery, according to researchers at Carnegie Mellon University.
“One of our researchers brought in his Wii with WarioWare and everyone started messing with it. Pretty soon, we noticed a disturbing effect. Every single person that played the game looked like a complete and utter douche,” said Helen Williams, a spokeswoman for Carnegie. “We observed a similar trend with Rayman Raving Rabbids, but the douche-bag quotient was never as high as what we are seeing now.”
WarioWare: Smooth Moves requires players to hold their Wii remotes in various so-called forms in order to complete rapid-fire tasks such as picking a nose or casting a fishing pole. Of these forms, the elephant, the samurai and the big cheese have been identified as the most likely to cause douche-baggery.
“I don’t think that it’s that bad. Sure you look silly, but it’s all in good fun,” said Reggie Fils-Aime, President and Chief Operating Officer of Nintendo of America, as he assumed the Mohawk form and began jumping around like a complete and utter tool.
While the rise in douche-baggery has experts concerned, they are far more worried about the subsequent rise in jackassedness, jerkfaceism and overall dorkery upon the release of more Nintendo party games such as Mario Party 8 and Wii Play.