Elite Beat Agents Revealed To Be Unbeatable
Elite Beat Agents, the rhythm game for the Nintendo DS, has finally been revealed to be unbeatable, ending months of speculation on the matter.
The game’s developer, iNiS, officially confirmed that it is impossible for a human being to finish songs past the "Cruisin" difficulty unaided.
“We had a good laugh on this one,” said Keiichi Yano, vice president of iNiS. “I have to hand it to our designers. They made it so the player is given a glimmer of hope to actually beat these fiendish songs, but failed no matter how many times they tried.”
Yano further revealed that the videos on YouTube showing someone actually finishing the songs on higher difficulties were actually fakes made by the developers to perpetuate the idea that the game could be beaten.
Lyle Porter, a New Jersey gamer that purchased the title, took the news with a mixture of relief and anger.
“Those jerks had me going for the longest time. The game is like a drug. Every time I failed ‘Canned Heat’ it just made me want to beat it more.”
Porter has destroyed 3 DS’s due to frustration with the game and experiences post traumatic stress disorder whenever he hears ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash’.