[FEATURE] Anatomy Of A Console Launch
Naveen Sivakumar, our newest star writer and Chemical Engineering Correspondent, explains, hour by hour, the breakdown of a video game console launch.
6:00 pm: T-minus 12 hours
Oh boy, by this time tomorrow, I’ll have the (console name). I’ve waited so long to get it so I can play (disappointing launch game). It so has game of the year written all over it.
7:00 pm: T-minus 11 hours
WHERE IS MY PREORDER RECEIPT!? MOM!
8:00 pm: T-minus 10 hours
All right, I got my preorder receipt, extra clothing to keep me warm, and (handheld system) to keep me entertained. Time to stand in line at (local retailer)!
9:00 pm: T-minus 9 hours
Mike’s calling. He wants me to come over and play (awesome game on previously released console). Doesn’t he know that the (console name) is launching today? Who wants to play last-gen when you can get a 2% increase in floating point pixel power!
10:00 pm: T-minus 8 hours
I’m getting hungry. Where are those PB&J sandwiches mom made for me? I left them at home? Dammit! I’ll lose my place in line if I leave. Wait, there seems to be some half eaten nachos in that trashcan. Dinner is served!
11:00 pm: T-minus 7 hours
These guys standing with me are all weirdos. They keep staring at my (handheld system) and screaming about how (competing handheld system) is so much better because it (is more powerful/has an innovative touch screen/is not an N-Gage). Plus, they all seem to be wearing Battlestar Galactica shirts.
12:00 am: T-minus 6 hours
This is starting to get boring. Maybe I should have brought more than one game for my (handheld system) to play while in line. No problem, I’ll just fantasize about all the awesome games I’ll be playing and how I’m totally gonna rub it in Mike’s face. This whole thing will be worth it for (upcoming killer app) alone. I can’t wait until it gets released this December (more likely next December).
1:00 am: T-minus 5 hours
I HAVE TO PAY TAX ON VIDEOGAMES?!
2:00 am: T-minus 4 hours
I begged my dad for the extra cash. I told him that this would make up for the pain of the divorce with mom. Sucker. Well, I may be at the back of the line, but I preordered the (console name) 2 years in advance. They have to keep one for me, right?
3:00 am: T-minus 3 hours
I’m really starting to bond with the other guys standing in line. We’ve been talking about all the games we were looking forward to and how the (competing next-gen console) is totally (for kids/too expensive/not powerful enough). We seem to have developed a little brotherhood. Even if I don’t get a (console name), it would have been worth it just to hang out with these guys.
4:00 am: T-minus 2 hours
The manager is coming outside. They only have 5 consoles?! Outta my way losers!
5:00 am: T-minus 1 hours
They just handed out the last claim ticket to the guy in front of me. I told him I’d do anything for a (console name). He told me to close my eyes and open my mouth…
6:00 am: Launch
I got one! I finally have a (console name)! Now to go home and bask in the glow of a 2% increase in floating point pixel power!
7:00 am: Disappointment
All these games suck. I paid (cost of console + tax + dignity) for this? Oh well, I’ll just sell it on eBay at an insane markup. Suckers!