Sony, Microsoft Attempt To Settle Next-Gen War “Out Back”
The companies behind the two biggest brands in gaming, Sony and Microsoft, attempted to settle the battle for the next generation console market in a fight in the back alley of a New York City pub on Thursday night.
Allegedly, the companies began verbally threatening each other after becoming clearly intoxicated.
“Well, Microsoft had a few shots of Jack and started popping off about how the 360 will stomp the PS3. Then Sony downed a pitcher of Bud Light and said that the only stomping would be his foot up Microsoft’s ass,” said Saul Parker, owner of the establishment.
Microsoft then offered to fight Sony in the back alley of the pub to determine who would control the multi-billion dollar gaming market for the next 4-6 years. Eyewitness accounts indicate that the fight took as long as an hour and exacted quite a toll on the combatants.
“Microsoft kept going for the crotch and Sony was trying to claw out the eyes. These pansies wouldn’t know fighting if it broke their knees with a crowbar,” said Parker. “Back in the day Sega and Nintendo would bring out the brass knuckles and box cutters. I’ll be damned if someone wasn’t lying there looking like roast beef by the end of those fights.”
The fight eventually ended in a draw, as neither company could stand up to deliver a final blow to the other. The fighters then agreed to let the next-gen battle play out in the only arena that matters; the message boards of every obscure gaming blog on the Internet.