[PRESS RELEASE] Nintendo's New MEGATON Announcement!
Alex Gerend
Public Relations Associate
Nintendo
491 6th Avenue
Redmond, WA 41111
123.456.7890
Nintendo's new MEGATON announcement!
-More incredible details of the Wii revealed!-
-Reggie a backstabbing bastard!
Redmond, WA - It's been a big week for Wii related news. After announcing the Wii's price, launch date, and numerous details about its internet capabilities and Virtual Console (as well as what its favorite type of food is, its favorite hobbies, and whether it likes to kiss and tell), Nintendo isn't done yet. Nintendo has been forced to respond to an article posted in Japanese gaming magazine Famitsu which alluded to some sort of "Megaton" announcement yet to come out of Nintendo.
The article started a scintillating and outlandish rumor that the Wii will in fact run on electricity. However, in a recent press event, this rumor was "verified" as fact. Nintendo's own Reggie Fils-Aime was there to say, "I can now verify that the Wii will indeed run on electricity."
JUDAS! So it seems the man affectionately known by most Nintendo fans simply as "Reggie" is really a traitor! The Wii running on electricity? Madness! However, gaming blog/news site Joystiq added fuel to the fire with their downright insulting post, which included this heart-stopping passage:
Included in the box: (all regions unless otherwise noted)
Wii Console (white)
Wii Remote with strap
Nunchuk
Wii AC Adapter
Wii Stereo AV Cable
Wii Stand
Wii Stand Plate
Wii Sensor Bar
Sensor Bar Stand
2x AA Batteries
Wii Sports (not included in Japan)
This is shocking news. Indeed, it is widely accepted that the Wii is too pure to run on mere electricity. It is widely known that the Nintendo Wii will be powered by the physical manifestations of creativity, fun, dreams and twilight! And they call themselves journalists!
All that the Nintendo faithful need to know is that the Wii will be unleashed on North America on November 19 for the price of 249.99 dollars, which is approximately 749% less than the competition.